DEFLORATION

I was seeking refuge in that fucking gap in between her legs.

Little did I know... those sweet lips that massaged me to epic proportion

had razor blades for teeth.

this psychotic bitch fucking CASTRATED ME.

In this condition, I was slipping in and out of conscience and sub-conscience. Images... and flashes before my eyes.

Falling from a building to a vast body of water... this seems to be my common nightmare.

And then strangely enough... awaking from some deep sleep... on my back... strapped to some gurney, a blinding white light, all the while... a team of doctors circled around me, gazing upon me behind those masks... eyes horrified... as if my awakening was not oh so welcome nor premeditated.

And I lift my head and try to ask "What is wrong?" but it is hard to do so because I have like this long tube taped to my mouth and shoved down my throat...

And as my focus settles... I look down to see my chest cavity split wide open and I can see my heart... my lung... and my large intestine. I had awoken to some kind of fucking open heart surgery... but what was it these fucking swine were exactly looking for?

naturally, a state of shock takes effect. I begin ripping my organs out and throwing them at the dumb founded medical staff screaming: "You fucking Leaches!"

Then it is dark. back to reality in this hollow circular toilet bowl... looking at my self eye to eye through the reflection of the water. I burped.

Truly this was the closest encounter, and closest memory I will ever have with my own birth. My own mistaken creation.

And then it comes. Raping my insides as it follows, I let out this gut wrenching bellow, and my reflection is blinded by purple, pink, and even traces of bloody chunks, coming splattering back into my face.

A moment of clarity.

My body collapses on the bathroom floor... room spinning about... as I attempt to catch my breath.

That was horrible. Yet I feel so much better.

Nicole comes rushing into the bathroom panic stricken and providing me a level of discomfort as she wraps this cold towel around my shaking body.

"I'm calling an ambulance." She announces.

"No... don't call a fucking ambulance." I replied.

With all my not so physical ability, I stood up, threw the towel off of me... stumbled into the kitchen area and poured another drink. Vodka and Orange Juice.

She followed me. Eyes falling to her cheeks. "So what... you are just going to sit here and kill your self?"

"Yea... sure... why not... sounds like fun." My hands trembled as I spilled the glass and poured Vodka all over the counter and on to the floor.

"Joe... your nose is bleeding... what are you on?"

I held the glass stable... and poured a stiff drink... only to be consumed with one barbaric swallow...

"Just some pills my friend Matt gave me." I replied. "I think it's Oxycontin."

"Joe, don't you realize that you are going to fucking die if you keep doing this to your self? I mean look at you... you look as though you have already died days ago. Have you looked in a mirror lately?"

"Nah! I am invincible! I am young... strong and..." I felt my stomach turn and my cheeks tingle. I made a dash to the bathroom again. This time I had shit my self towards my destination. And for some reason... I thought about the Tellatubies as Nicole held my head back and I dry heaved into the Porcelain God.

Nicole helped me into the shower and the water was freezing. I puked two more times in the bath tub.

"I am calling an ambulance!" She announced again. But I beat her to the phone in the living room. Pulled the receiver from her hand and threw the fucking thing against the wall.

"I'm cool. I fucking hate hospitals. I have spent my entire life around them... that is the worse thing you can do for me at this point." I explained.

"Well I can't just sit here and watch you destroy your self!" She plead.

I kissed the side of her face instead of her lips. I had puke breath and sweat. "You are so beautiful baby." And I smiled. Then I burped.

I returned to the kitchen and began slamming the Vodka straight out of the bottle.

Nicole's back met the wall and she slid down it slowly and began crying.

Like I said I was face to face with my birth... and as cruel as this may have seemed... in another instance... it was pure.

I staggered to her, fell to my knees and embraced her.

"Why are you doing this to me?" She whimpered.

"I am not doing this to you... I am doing it to me... When I die will you take spray paint and properly decorate my head stone?"

"Anything you want baby... Anything... just please don't do this to your self.... You are hurting me!" Tears streamed down her face.

But if only she understood.

Tough love. It is something I have grown immune to. A word that has engraved it's self into my vocabulary.

I stuck two fingers up her skirt and masturbated right there on the kitchen floor. I came on her little black dress.

She did not respond to this.

I hurled two more times and fell asleep on the bathroom floor.

She doesn't talk to me much any more.

I do not think she will be attending my funeral and eating up all of the free food, let alone spay painting obscene messages on my head stone...